CHAPTER39

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I walked away while tears are falling, I could see him in the back side in my eyes he was still standing with a blank face, maybe trying to understand it all.. I didn't want to go, I want to admit my love that I have been hiding for so long.. That's when

Bader: jawa, jawa, jawa lala ne6ray

I will never forget these words.

I slowed my pace but not looking back nor stopping

Bader screaming hardly: JAWA

I stopped. against my well, its like a strong force.

more heavy tears are falling, he stopped in his place and i stood in mine, i still could see him behind me, trying to approach me but its like another force is stopping him

bader: j-jaawa enty matgdren trou7ien, ana 9arle 3 sneen a7bch, mu a3rfch A7BCH. jawa ana ghala6t w b-bas kella eb sbtch, ee ana kalamt l2na 7awalt ansach bas. w nourra? ehya ehya tsoulf wyay bas ma7ebha walla w-alla ma7ebha, jawa enty mu fahma ana abech!

he looked frustrated, he walked away toward the sea.

tears couldnt stop, I was touched.. i believe him of course i do of course! i just cant imagine that for this long i was paining over someone who is also paining, from me!

without feeling, without thinking i walked toward the sea approaching bader, until i reached his back, he still didnt notice i was there

jawa: bader, ana 7bait ensan wa7d, ent w lazelt ent w bt'thel ent.

he turned around surprised, but I walked a way, i was holding a smile that i never held, my heart was pumping so hard and my tummy was having those butterflies

I was walking toward the chalet and trying to look normal, so they wont ask me any questions, I started climbing the stairs, thats when i heard something made me drop another tear, but a happy tear, a tear after pain and lost..

bader screaming with a smile I can feel through his voice: 3alla senat alah w rsoulla enshalaaa.

I stopped again, its like he have this power that paralyze me

i smiled and hardly climbed the stairs, I entered the chalet and sat on the first chair I saw

ghezlan: haw shfech m7arbtna t3aly g3day mnii

jawa: ah-hah ee okay bas brou7 7mam

I pushed my self and dragged my leg toward the bathroom, I heard the door chalet was opening and i assumed that it was bader, so I fastened my heavy steps, i closed the bathroom and sat on the floor

that was too much to take for a one day, I was not able to pretend that I'm fine or okay, my heart was beating so hard and I was sweating.. could this be happeping, I mean I didnt believe in happy endings, maybe its not an ending maybe its a beginning to a bad ending? could it be? no NO stop thinking that way and live for your moment jawa, your dream your hopes.. could it be, could it

i rested my head on the door, I could hear bader voice in the living room talking and my heart started sinking, that deep voice will always capture me, I didnt know what to do or how I was going to get out of the bathroom with bader setting in the living room, suddenly something buzzed and I was freaked out..

i realized it was my phone ringing, it was ghezlan

ghezlan: wainch jawa?

jawa: ha? bl7mam

ghezlan: shfe 9outch chnch bachya?

no no no no no, she cant be asking me that while bader is setting around her, lets hope he havent heard.

jawa: bl7mam y3ne a9arekh yala bye

madre shako, bas mshaat elsalfa::


I got up and looked in the mirror, fixed my expressions and hair of  course, unlocked the door and went out

I walked to the living room with my eyes on the floor not daring to lift them up, I sat next to ghezlan and anwar, I started listening to my dad's and bader conversation about his third year in collage, and job and stuff

3ami bu abdulla: la enshala hatha el9gher yshtghel 3nde blshareka, lazm a7ad yamsek elshghel..ba3ad t3aref okhouh 3abdulla eb loyat elbank mu yam shay

my dad : 3adel 3adel, ha bader shrayk eb shghl elshareka?

bader: ee 3ami wayd ary7a7, 7etta law elwa7ed yfaker yswe mshrou3 ykoun elmwthou3 sahel 3laih w 3nda wakt

when he talks? everyone just had to shut up and listen to his words, the way he speak? just killed me.

my dad: ouh walla shghel 3adel, mwafag 7bebe enshala

bader: matga9er 3ammi

my mother: jawa 7bebty goumay douray bl7elw damch a9ghar wa7da

khalty om abdulla: la 7bebty g3day entay thayftnaa, anwar entay goumay

jawa: lala khalty ana agoum, shd3waa mu musheklla

anwar in low voice: 3abally ba3ad

i gave her  a look ina ra7 athb7ch later and took the sweet plate, qadamt 7ag obouy then 3ami..

3ammi: eb 3ersch enshalla

I blushed, so hard

i gave bader next, my hands was shaking while he was smiling, noticing that i was, that i was stressed?

bader whispering: tabchen ha?

I held my smile, ignored him and walked back to my place after serving the sweet

khalty: ee 3ad e7na 7ajzenha 7ag je3datna

oh god, does she mean bader, im sure my face was a tomato by now and i could hear ghezlan and anwar laughing silently, im gonna kill those two stooges:)

my mother: ya7ath men bnasbkum ya om 3abduulah, bas khalay elwalad yngii 3ala ra7taa 

khalty while smiling : ee ya um khaled, hathe nagwat bader, bentch jawa


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